Boat Police – A Retro/Introspective Look at a Cinematic Classic

“They’re cool, they’re hip, they’re fly, they’re fresh, THEY’RE THE BOAT POLICE!!”

“Boat Police” by The Spinleys

So began the theme song for the film that would rock America’s foundations… if it was ever made. It was the summer of ’95 when in an incredible bout of boredom, while staying at my grandparent’s place in Indiana, I sat down in the front room with a laptop that weighed 40 lbs and typed up the screenplay for the now legendary Boat Police feature film. One hundred and twenty epic pages later, it was complete but little did I know that it would prove to be my first and last feature I would ever write.

But what was Boat Police? It was more than an excuse to write a movie in the same vain as “Badasses Don’t Run,” no, it was an allegory for society in a world gone mad.

Furries – Proof that the world has gone stark raving bonkers.

For the uninitiated, Boat Police was an epic film about a trio of marine lawmen in a small town that has been overrun by drugs and corruption. Being that they were the black sheep of the police force, only THEY could go against the grain and bring peace to the town… and they drove a boat. Rick Hunter, Johnny Chicago and Val Cooper were the only thing that could bring down the nefarious forces of Mendoza and his cadre of thugs and criminals!

But there was so much more to it than that. When you look at the protagonists, you get a cross section of the chaos and order that society needs in order to stabilize. With our stalwart hero Rick Hunter we had a by the books, no nonsense cop who is initially emotionally distant until he gains and returns the affections of Lolita Mansfield (Mendoza’s ladyfan)… and in his attempts to bring her from the dark side, both characters change inversely to find a center for their beings, knowing that the other truly completed them.

Not Johnny Chicago… but “Johnny” from The Karate Kid as played by William Zabka.

With Johnny Chicago we had the opposite. Not at all dynamic, he starts as a rough and tumble, shoot first ask questions later ‘Merican and he ends that way. He represented the yin to Rick’s yang. Through their interactions the team attained a balance.

Finally with Val we had the team’s ballast. Val represented the everyman; a regular guy who tempered his love of recklessness and speed, with his desire for stability. Despite the polar opposition of Rick and Johnny and the balance that achieved, Val was the voice that maintained said balance.

In that trio, we find a statement of society that society needs. Temperance, chaos, order, balance; all things that we as a people must attain in order to grow and at the same time, stabilize.

Spinley’s front man: Seth Spinley.

“They protect the innocent, beat up the bad guys, drive really fast and they shoot guns too. And if you’re a crook and you cross their path you better watch out ‘cause they’re coming for YOU!”

-The chorus from “Boat Police” by The Spinleys

In that excerpt from the chorus, the expression of temperance in action as well as pursuit of growth is exemplified to a ‘T.’ Not only do they “protect the innocent” but they also “beat up the bad guys.” This displays the black and white nature of justice versus crime as perceived by the masses. Immediately after they “drive really fast and they shoot guns too.” “Too” as in “as well” with no descriptor of where they are driving or who they are shooting… this deviates from the black and white nature and introduces a chaotic gray area which is further accentuated by the fact that such acts as speeding and shooting could be construed as criminal behavior. Finally with “and if you’re a crook and you cross their path you better watch out ‘cause they’re coming for YOU” we get a clear message that despite the social observations of right and wrong, and despite the chaotic undertones of speeding and shooting, we get a clear and concise message as it pertains to their mission.

The innocent are protected… the criminals are punished… all through a means that is not as simple as black versus white.

It has been well over a decade since Boat Police was penned, but its message still rings true today. And really, at the end of the day, don’t we all want a little Boat Police inside each and every one of us?

It is tragic that this message never reached the masses, the message that only a trio of Boat Policemen’s struggle against a tyrannical drug lord can convey.

“…Look our criminals, run and hide, here come the boat poliiiiiiiice!”

“Boat Police” by The Spinleys

If more profound words were ever uttered… I don’t know what they are.

Cheers

~JD